So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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