I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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