I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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