You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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