there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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