The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
