What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
