Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
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Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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