I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
