O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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