I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
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Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
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Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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