his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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