and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
