Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Please, let me fuck your mom
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
