Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
