I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
