I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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