You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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