Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
