i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
