Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
