you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
