I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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