i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You were trust falling into bushes
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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