return my video game
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
