i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
