wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
