i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
