she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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