tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.