peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
