I'm fucking your sister right now.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
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Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
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Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.