As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.