Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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