So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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