He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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