so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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