One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
