dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
