She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
