it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
