I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
