If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
