She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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