I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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