my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
