Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
