If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
