I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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