ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
