bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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