Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
