Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
