Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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