if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
