Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
