are you still at the devil's house?
too bad you live with your parents still
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
