I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm always down for nudity.
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