AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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