Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
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Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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