My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
