I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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