shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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