Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
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They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
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Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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