Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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