My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
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We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
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whose parrot is this?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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