She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
