me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
