Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
