hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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