I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
