...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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